“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” This Ferris Bueller quote was as accurate in 1986 as it is today. There are points in our lives where it can seem like a high-speed car chase. The chase just gets faster and faster without you knowing how to slow it down. Your autopilot mode kicks in, where choices reflect reactions rather than responses. By the time you have a moment to take a breath, you are so far from where you want to be. So, how do you slow it down? 1 simple word. Values. By clearly defining and living out your core values, you can respond to life with alignment. Values are your GPS when it comes to decision-making, you can’t steer the car in the right direction if you don’t know what the GPS is telling you.
So What Are Values?
They are the core personal beliefs that are important to us that guide our choices and actions in life. They’re the things you prioritize and care about that bring you a sense of fulfillment, purpose, and self-worth. They can be anything from honesty, compassion, and respect to creativity, adventure, and growth. Think of them as character traits that implore you to fight for justice, make art, work hard, build a community around you, etc. Check this blog for a list of values broken down by category.
It’s important to note that values are flexible; they mirror your ever-changing life. As you move through life experiencing new things and growing, so too will your values. They evolve and adapt as your perspective shifts. Oftentimes it’s when dealing with challenging situations that a new value sets its roots and begins to sprout. This doesn’t usually happen until we are at the other end of it, wide-eyed, a little disheveled, but nonetheless wiser.
For example, you may value financial security above all, so you work hard to earn a living but in the process, your health deteriorates and you reach the point of burnout. You reassess and understand that health should be more important than financial security. Not to mention with today’s cost of healthcare, health is equivalent to financial security.
Embracing this flexibility allows you to grow and explore different aspects of yourself. By regularly reassessing your actions in relation to your desired values, you can ensure that you are staying true to your evolving self and getting out of life what you want from it.
Why Are They So Important?
As I mentioned above, your choices and actions really boil down to your values. When you don’t feel like you’re in control of your life, it’s generally to do with not knowing your values — or knowing them and not living in accordance with them. On the other hand, when you’re living in alignment with your personal values, you’re more likely to create a harmonious life. Essentially, your values help you understand what truly matters to you. Honoring them is about being intentional with your actions. Over time, the values that you instill in yourself become the foundation of who you are and how you relate to the world.
Without values, it’s hard to stay grounded when crossroads inevitably pop. Having a strong sense of values provides your life with purpose and direction, allowing you to stay true to yourself despite challenging situations. When faced with difficult decisions, they act as your compass, guiding you towards choices that best align with who you are, or want to be.
How Do You Create Them?
Values are created when we consistently exhibit a desired behavior, regardless of external circumstances, also known as our principles. When we tell ourselves, “Oh, that was a once-off that I didn’t share the truth”, over time our value of honesty gets diluted by these ‘exceptions to the rule’. Values are solidified in the face of adversity when things are hard, not when they are easy. While it’s easy to be respectful to your friends, try being respectful to somebody you dislike, much harder huh? However, it’s when you are exhibiting respect in those moments that your core value of respect is forged.
When determining what your values are or what you’d like them to be, ask yourself:
- How do I want to show up to each moment, situation or interaction?
- What values do I value more of? Do I value harmony over honesty or respect over assertiveness?
- What bothers me most in people I dislike? What value is the opposite of what they do?
- Who do I know, or know of that I can emulate the values that they exhibit?
Your values also have to be measured. For example, I value respect, so I listen to people talk even if I don’t agree with them. Values are not just abstract concepts, rather they manifest in your actions and choices. They guide you in making decisions and help shape your character. By consistently practicing integrity, despite challenging situations, you demonstrate your commitment to this value and reinforce it within yourself. The consistent values we exhibit define who we are, rather than a wish list of the ideal future versions of ourselves.
The Link Between Your Goals and Your Values
While goals are a whole different topic, there is a special link between your values and goals and ultimately their success. Goals are meticulously crafted, desired achievements that create a roadmap for your life. While values aren’t about chasing predefined milestones, they are about how you show up in the world and ground you in every decision you make, ensuring that your decisions are based on those principles.
What you’ll find is that goals are typically externally validated, while values are more about intrinsic satisfaction.
The following are two concepts I use together when working with my clients on achieving their goals:
Value and Goal Alignment: There is a powerful golden circle at play here. When you match your goals with your existing values (or values you want to build), you naturally reinforce them. If properly set and in alignment, goals can give your values a more tangible form. Your values help propel you toward the success of your goals. Because your values are about how you respond in the present moment, you can act upon them in the now as you work toward your goals. Your values will bring you more fulfillment and satisfaction in the pursuit of those goals. This integration of values and goals creates a harmonious approach to life that allows for both personal growth and the achievement of meaningful objectives.
Value Stacking: Start by asking yourself what goal am I trying to achieve? Which primary value of mine does this goal match up to? Next, what other value(s) will help me in achieving this goal? For example, if your goal is to lose weight, the value that you can associate with this goal is vitality. In order for you to achieve this goal and embody the value of vitality, you will also need the value of consistency. The more you can stack values the more powerful this is and the more likely you are to achieve your goals.
Final Thoughts
Take time to reflect on what your current values are. If you have trouble with this, think about what actions you consistently take or how you react to challenging situations. Do they still reflect where you are in life, or do they need updating? One of the hardest things to do is to consistently act out your desired behaviors, yet consistency is imperative to truly embody your desired values. (A trick to achieving your goals and desired values? Make consistency one of your core values.) Focus on taking small steps, identifying times (without judgment) where you fell short and understanding why. Then genuinely make a different choice the next time you’re faced with a similar situation. Growth happens when the same thing happens, but you make a decision to act in a different way, one in alignment with your values. Knowing what they are can help steer you in that new direction. By consciously honoring them, you can cultivate a sense of inner peace, fulfillment and confidence. Which leads to a more balanced and meaningful life. Slowing down that high-speed car chase and understanding what that GPS is telling you.